SKINNYSTAR
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Welcome to StanK's kingdumb!
SKINNYSTAR
Why would I pick a name like Skinnystar?
Well, I figured I'd pick a name that is the opposite of what I am, and I'm nether skinny* nor a star, hence
SKINNYSTAR!
*Actually I suffer from F.L.E.A. - Frontal Lobe Enlargement of the Abdomen.
On occasion I will post things of interest (at least to a few weird people) here.
Don't expect anything spectacular, though.
Be sure to get your "lovely parting gift" at the bottom of this page!
"Smile. It makes people wonder what you're up to."
Newest stuff is marked with >
Questionable questions (by StanK):
> Do psychiatrists eat deep Freud foods?
> Would legumes with sinus problems use an antihistabean?
> Do residents of India live life in the caste lane?
> If a poker player throws a hundred doller bill in the pot, then lights it on fire, is he razing the stakes?
Is a blackout the opposite of Wite-Out?
If you stare at a stop sign is that a stopwatch?
They have Medicare for older folks, but is there Mediacare for older discs?
Wouldn't you trust books from a truth-brary more than from a library?
If you choose the correct flower is that aproposey?
If they won't let you into Canada should you call it Can't-ada?
Do fat bats go on the Batkins diet?
Could you call rabbit fur Hare Hair?
Do fish throw out their trash in the carpage?
If two people go to bathroom at the same time, is that two pees in a potty?
If you animate animals is that animalmation?
Is the opposite of Wite-Out, Wite-In?
Would you call a cat walking on the beach "Sandy Claws"?
If it snows while the sun is out, will it cause a frozen rainbow?
Does a spice manufacturer say, "Seasonings greetings"?
Does a prisoner use a cell phone?
Does a telemarketer use a sell phone?
If a tube of toothpaste falls on the hood of your car will it cause a PepsoDent?
Is it redundant to clone twins?
If you plug in a lamp, can you plug it out?
Is the opposite of advantage, subtractvantage?
StanK euphemisms (StanKemisms):
I'm going to start a boy band: 'N Stank.
My favorite movie: Stanksky and Hutch.
Stanktastic!
You want the Stank? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE STANK!
Maybe I could be a movie star if I changed my name. Some that come to mind: Arnold Stankenegger or Dummi Moore or Stank Doggy Dog.
Milk of Stanknesia.
The Good, the Bad and the Stanky.
This may shock some people: There is no Stanka Claus.
Always speak distanktly.
Dinosaurs are exstankt.
Stay calm, so you don't have a stankxiety attack.
The best football game: The StankerBowl
Don't be stanknoxious.
Some people can be so stanktimonious.
He stanks.
What the stank?
Stank-A-Roni, the Stank Francisco treat.
Don't be stankpid.
Fish stank.
Words of wit and wisdumb (by StanK):
If I have what I think is a good idea, I first write it down on a piece of paper. Then I fold it up and put it in a cup of water, which then goes in the freezer overnight. The next morning I take it out and set it on the counter for a week. Then I take it out of the water and re-read it. Why? Because I always heard ideas should be well thawed out.
Some people are left handed, some right handed and some are just plain under handed.
I wear short sleeve shirts because I believe in the right to bare arms.
My cell phone must of been made in Italy. Sometimes it says it's Roamin'.
I thought about getting Serious satellite radio, but I'd rather have Humorous satellite radio.
There was this rope that got blamed for a lot of bad things he did not do, but everyone kept saying that he did. Turned out he had an evil twine.
A witch staying at a hotel can order broom service.
Witches work out in a hexercise room.
How do you keep a websurfer occupied? Click here
Feline Physics
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food or a nearby scurrying mouse.Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.>Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
WHY I AM SO TIRED
For years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, poor diet and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason.
I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of the US is 296 million.
130 million are retired.
That leaves 166 million to do the work.
There are 106 million in school, which leave 60 million to do the work.
Of this there are 36 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 24 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 20 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 19,700,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 300,000 to do the work.
There are 280,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 20,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 19,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting there messing around on the Internet !!
Seen on a bathroom stall door: 
Hiny Hiders
This guy passed me fast about 3 minutes before: Click Here
A truely stanky story (this did not happen to me): Mouse stank (with pictures)
More questionable questions:
If you do the chicken dance, is that poultry in motion?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
Geek humor:
There's no place like 127.0.0.1
There's no place like www.home.com.
ET phone 127.0.0.1
You know your children are spending too much time on the internet when they start calling you www.daddy.com (or www.mommy.com).
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Person: "It says, hit ENTER when ready."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the realist, it's both.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
The Purfect Poem:
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue,
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your pleased to no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They are given the task, and begin to type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan indignantly protests, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."Jesus enters a command and the screen comes to life with a vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckles, "Satan, when are you going to learn ... Jesus saves!"
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
What boots up must come down.
FUN AT THE OFFICE OR IN THE COMPUTER LAB:
Ways to Confuse, Worry, or Just Scare People in the Computer Lab or at the Office.
Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "NO!!! They've found me!" and bolt.
Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
MORE: Click here.
This is funny (Thanks, Naomi):
Alone in the house... It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed, he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance. She wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her, protect her from the storm. She wanted that...
Then the power went out. She screamed. He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He did not hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprised when she didn't resist, but instead clung to him. The storm raged on, as did their growing passion, and there came a moment when each knew that they had to be together. They knew it was wrong. Their families would not understand. But they were so consumed in their passion they didn't hear the door or the click of the light switch. The power was back on....... Click Here
Feel better with this: Click Here (Thanks, Kathy)
These'll cross your eyes: 1 - Click Here or 2 - Click Here
See fall colors of 2003 around Toledo, Ohio (pictures by StanK): Click Here
A short story by StanK: The Roid
Thanks for visiting my website. I'm sure you're thinking "this sure StanK!"
But, before you leave, get your lovely parting gift: Click here.
Email StanK at skinnystar/gmail-com, BUT change the "/" to an "@" and the "-" to a "." so that it looks like this:
Last updated Jan. 6, 2006
